It’s been a month since I last posted (bad Sarah, *slaps hand*) so this post will be a little jumble of things I have thought ‘I must blog about that’ and then laid to one side during that time.
#1 – What geeks talk about in bed.
A late night conversation with my husband turned to fonts (naturally):
Sarah: ‘Oh, I like Calibri too!”Do you think the romance is dead?’
Camo: ‘It might not be dead but it is in italics.’
Further proof that we do indeed belong together. ‘At least they’re not ruining another couple’ as my mother would say.
#2 – What the criminally insane talk about in bed.
Camo reminded me of this conversation this morning. I’d been discussing requesting that future funeral directors embalm me with my scary face (don’t ask) and making sure it was an open-coffin funeral..
Camo: Well, I want to be buried with an animatronic arm so that when people lean into the coffin it will reach out and grab them.
Sarah: Yes! Tell lots of people about that..
Sarah: ‘cos then when I bury you alive and you try to reach up for help they’ll think it was all part of your joke.
Camo: … and I thought I was being evil.
#3 – It’s not paranoia if they really are out to get you aka synchronicity is a bitch
I’ve been having a bit of a difficult time the last few months. I’m going to gloss over the details, as usual, but basically it’s become harder than ever to do anything especially if it involves leaving the flat. It’s got to the point where I’ve been reconsidering my decision to try and improve my mental health without medication (for now, for various reasons) and had been discussing the pros and cons of taking something again with my husband.
Not long after this conversation I received an email informing me that there was a new message waiting for me on my OkCupid account. For those of you that don’t know, I met Camo through OkCupid and we’ve both preserved our accounts (updated to show our new relationship status) for sentimental reasons. Sentimental and comedic reasons (sometimes the messages are pure gold). I hadn’t received a message for ages and then I received this:
Depressed or not, try not to take antidepressants particularly SSRIs.
I have just spent the last 3 months weening a girl off them and it will be Christmas before she is free.
Just my toupenceworth.
Now, ok, my profile does briefly mention my mental health and this person had contacted me once before – after I’d met Camo – I politely declined his offer of a friendship with possible ‘fringe benefits’ with him and his girlfriend and that was the extent of our communication (apart from one message in January 2011 to congratulate me on my engagement.) Why he decided to contact me fifteen months later with medical ‘advice’ is a complete fucking mystery.
Two days later, we attended The Sage to see Sharks Took The Rest (tickets very kindly provided for Camo’s birthday by our friend, John). I worried about having to go out the whole day and spent the hour immediately before exiting in tears. Pathetic, I know, but that’s just how it is at the moment. Despite Camo’s reassurances that I didn’t have to do this, I kinda did and I argued with myself that I was going to feel shit for not going so I might as well go.
We managed to grab a couple of seats (it was mostly a standing venue) which helped a lot as it limited the number of people around me. It also stopped me fleeing in a panic when the support act, Matt Stalker & Fables began to play this:
I kid you not.. even Camo’s jaw dropped at the line ‘Sarah, don’t touch the drugs’ .. tears began rolling down my face again. I know, I know, I’m not receiving secret messages from hipsters in pointy brown shoes and the lyrics are not directed at me. But, still, in an already fragile mental state it doesn’t take much.
Still, the rest of the night passed without incident and I eventually began to relax. The main act were truly awesome and I was very, very glad I’d been able to make myself go:
The jury’s still out on the medication debate but that’s purely because of the concerns and reasons I already had (that I don’t really want to go into nor discuss). If it’s still not the right thing to do it will be a decision I’ve made with my psych team, and not because Mr Mackey told me not to:
I’ve also been trying to counter my reluctance to leave the flat with applying to do some voluntary work. Wallsend Parks have a few projects underway and I managed to make it to a meeting last Monday to discuss what I might be able to do. Sadly, the person I was meeting did not as he had come off his bike in Scotland :0/ He seems to be ok, though, and they should be contacting me again in a couple of weeks time.. hope he makes a full recovery: not a fun experience for him, poor guy!